I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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