brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
