I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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