I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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