He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
