So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize