she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
