So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
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I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
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There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize