Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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