I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
