Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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