I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
