Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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