we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
