we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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