just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
