He kissed a someone with a penis
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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