I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize