can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
