thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
