you would pick up someone in the library
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
