Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
