You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
