I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
