Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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