porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
