you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
