shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he was CRYING into my vagina
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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