and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
