Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
even my farts smell like vagina
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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