i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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