You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
pop tarts are not kleenex
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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