I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My cat gives me a boner
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
