is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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