I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
