Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
