Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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