I accidentally had phone sex last night
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He did a backflip because drugs
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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