I'm lost and stupid without you.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
that may or may not have been my penis.
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