from now on my penis is your penis
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
