Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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