Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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