Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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