You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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