his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
