OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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