Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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