Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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