Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
