Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So apparently I’m into choking now
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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