i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize