I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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