sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
