how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
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I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
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It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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