Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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