Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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