lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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