I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Please, let me fuck your mom
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
