Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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