put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I smell stomach acid.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
