i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
