Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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