even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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