shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i out mim tonsoeep
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
