why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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